Letting Go Of Self

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However if you have a question about a particular situation, Jim will give answers according to what is presented in this website.  He will not give advice on what specific action to take, only on the principles and understandings you can apply to yourself in your situation.  For specific advice you should see a health professional.

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From my 10 years in this field I have seen the psychological changes the 12 step bring about; withdrawal from society, family and friends, a dependency upon groups, lack of growth, paranoia, a cult like mind set, and numerous other negative changes. We don't need to change things around to fit the 12 steps, we need to dump them altogether.

Jim:
To answer your question ... "Is it actually saying that you need a higher power to figure out the "self" isn't real, or is it saying that's what you think a 12 step program does?"

It is not 'I' that exists, it is a person called [insert your name].

The understanding that self (I or me) is not real, is true whether there is a religious context or not.

In my opinion, the notion of power greater than self in AA, enables people to operationalise this understanding, even if they don't have a conscious understanding that self is not real.

My therapy program requires no notion of a 'higher' power; the reality of the person, is already a 'power' greater than self.

Self (I or me) carries the illusion of power, but has no power in reality.

David:
I disagree. I do exist. I am a person called [insert your name]. I am myself. If I were to let go of "self" there would be nothing left. I have no desire to be a nothing. Redefining words to mean something entirely different than the original word, and then basing a "therapy" on those ill defined words, is not something that I, or self, can recommend to anyone.

The I is very real and should not be dumped. It can be changed and refined, but it should not be dropped.

But the self is real. Just saying it isn't doesn't make it so.

I, and quite a few other people I talked to about this, disagree.

Jim:
It is very important to most people that they experience the apparent power of their self as real. However, nothing is lost, and much is gained when they see through the illusion; self (experienced by a person as 'I' or 'me') always puts constraints on people's actual power and potential, which is the power of a person, not power of self in the person.

To use your example in my own case: I could say: 'I am a person called Jim Maclaine'; but in reality there is no 'I' who is Jim Maclaine there is just a person called Jim Maclaine. 'I' is simply a pronoun, standing for 'this person'. However, in our minds 'I' attaches to self image which is experienced as real.

I am not suggesting that anybody should dump 'I', just that it is recognised as image rather than as reality.

As you said, just saying something isn't (or is), doesn't make it so.

'Pop-up 1' and 'Pop-up 2' on http://www.yourselfhelpprocess.com/lgs10.html provide case studies which help explain the understanding I am trying to convey.

Margaret:
I don't have an addiction and no particular problems.  I was interested in what you had to say but I'm a bit confused.  It seems very clear to me that I am me.  After all who else could I be?

Jim:
Thank you for your interest.  'I' and 'me' are pronouns.  When I went to school we were told that they were pointing words.  They are words that take the place of saying 'this person'; so in reality all the words point to is this person.  So 'I am me' 'means this person is this person', which is not very informative.  The words 'I' and 'me' become attached to our internal sense and image of self but we don't realise this.  This does lead to great but largely unrecognised confusion.  This is particularly important when people do have problems and do need to be able to change what is in them as their self. 

Tony:
Jim, thank you for your website.  Thank goodness for this person that his drinking self collapsed; otherwise there would have been dead person.  When I was drinking I knew everything and I did what I wanted.  Now I don't know whether I have let go absolutely.

Jim:
Thank you.  I suggest to people that handing over absolutely is a direction that a person takes on, because it is the only direction.  When this question arises I suggest they look at it this way: there is in reality no ‘I’ to know whether ‘I’ have let go absolutely.  There is in reality a person doing the program and living their process.  So a person can let go of wanting to know if ‘I’ have let go absolutely and just practice that as the direction in his life, day at a time, and always ready for letting go to go further.

Grant:
Jim I have been sober for eight years, then I busted and its 10 months now and I haven’t been able to get back on the program.  I thought I had a higher power and I'm sure I do have a higher power, I'm scared.  What is happening?

Jim:
Grant I can't talk about you in particular because I haven't met you and don't know you.  But I've met and worked with quite a few people ending up in your situation. What I've found is that even though they had a strong and important belief in higher power, their higher power wasn't a power greater than self.  What they would come to realise was that through most of their recovery, behind the scenes self was still running the show.  Often these turned out to be people who had a difficult childhood and developed a strong sense of "only I can look after me"; when they moved into recovery it became ‘I’ have a higher power, and ‘I’ turned out to be the same self that had to look after me.  So rather than a person and power greater than self, it was my higher power and me.  Without the person realising it, ‘I’ was using higher power to stay sober, rather than  letting higher power takeover me.

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