She had come up through a difficult childhood where she had to contend with an alcoholic father who would fly into drunken rages and shout and abuse her and her sister. Even when not intoxicated he was short tempered and authoritarian. Mother did her best to look after the children but had to work as well to support the family.

Jan as a child was very intimidated by her father's dreadful behaviour and attitude. In later childhood she learned to be strong and do what she had to do in spite of being scared. Through adolescence she developed a 'strong' self through which she did well at school though always something of a loner.

She did not realise that the strong self was hiding a little self. She started a career as a sales assistant but quickly moved into a supervisory role. Then she fell madly and unexpectedly in love and married at age 23. By the time she was 24 they had had a baby and she left work to bring up her daughter. Her husband, who had been strong and thoughtful and caring when they were courting, turned out to be strong, authoritarian and pre-occupied with his own career. 

This activated Jan's childhood self, the 'little' frightened self that had been terrified of her father. Feeling lonely and supported, she found that a glass of wine was surprisingly comforting, even though she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't ever drink because of how her father was. She clearly had the genetic predisposition to the alcoholic intoxication effect and over the next 2 or 3 years developed a pattern of daily drinking.

By the time she was 32 she had a clearly alcoholic pattern, and she saw how she was affecting her children. She tried to stop on her own, but soon realised she couldn't.  Drinking had discredited her in her husband's eyes and in her own and she was becoming more and more desperate. Finally a friend suggested Alcoholics Anonymous.

Her first meeting at age 33 was like a revelation to her and she just stopped drinking from that day. She used her 'strong' self to get to meetings but at all other times felt timid and anxious inside even though she presented OK an the outside. At home she coped with all her tasks, but her drinking had discredited her in her husband's eyes and he used it as a reason to become more domineering and remote. Finally, after inwardly experiencing herself as 'little, and worthless' for 7 years , Jan had become so depressed she came to the therapy program. 

Understanding that she was a person took a while to sink in. but it was a momentous for Jenny. She had always been so 'little' and 'not as good as others' that she couldn't believe it was true at first, that she was a person, with all the basics of any person, and one of everyone. She was helped to familiarise and accept what was in her as self, and to understand that she could practice accepting and handing over her troublesome selves to her ' Power greater than self '. She was able to use her 12 step program with new depth and to address her areas of damaged self.

The underlying sense or feel of being somehow "little" can be very strong. However, it may not be noticed because the person's attention is taken up with anxious thinking and uneasy tensions, not the more inward sense of their self.