Mary's story

Mary (not her real name) was in her late 30s when her driving, control self collapsed.

It was after the failure of yet another relationship; over a few months she felt herself 'falling to pieces'; she became erratic in her demanding job, she had long periods where she couldn't stop crying, she needed anti-depressants, and finally hospitalisation.  

Her driving self, through which she had built a demanding career and achievements, had collapsed. But this control self was also her 'survivor self' which started developing in childhood to maintain her through continuing abusive and chaotic family life. 

So the experience of losing her familiar driven control self was very frightening, and disorienting, and left her feeling vulnerable. 

With therapy she started to familiarise with the main parts of her self, and accustomed to the idea that losing her driven self control self opened the way to change. She gradually developed a new sense of self based on understanding she was a person, rather than being totally trapped by her sense of self.